Flat Tire

There was a nail stuck in my tire today. It was wedged pretty deep in the tread. The tire is intact and will be saved with a little patching. It had leaked badly, though, gauging less than 10 on the pressure reader. I was driving around for a while on the wall of the tire, because it had so little air.

The thing is, I had no idea. I would have kept on driving. Thankfully, a couple at my school noticed. When they told me my tire was low and that I needed to get some air, I must have given them the most hopeless, distraught look, because they quickly took me to the Citgo and taught me how to fill up my tires with 75 cent air, which they helped pay for because I was out of quarters.

Never in my life have I felt so helpless. I didn't even know how to fill up my tires, much less notice that the one was so low.

I kept thinking, If Dad were here, he could help me. He would've taught me. He wouldn't have let me get my license without knowing this stuff.

And the more I thought that, the more overwhelmed I became at the gaping hole in my life that he has left. Things I will never be taught unless someone else comes along and teaches them to me. Things I will never do that many people do on a daily basis. A man that I will never know past a vague impression, yet whom I still fully love. It seems I am missing out, to the point that I am sorrowfully feeling the deep effects of my loss, realizing its emotional as well as physical consequences.

Tomorrow night, there will be yet another show he will miss. In a few months, he will not rejoice with me over my college decision. Come May, he will not attend my high school graduation. In the fall, he will not load up his car with my pathetic pile of worldly goods and deliver it and me to the aforementioned college. He will not want to beat up every male who shows an interest in me. He will not meet his son-in-law or his grand kids. He will not walk me down the aisle or sit in the hospital waiting room, bursting with pride while going crazy with worry.

And I am sad.