Past, Present, and/or Future

Three different people. Three different encounters.

First, a friend I've known for years. We haven't always had the closest relationship, but this year we've become very good friends. I love hearing her dreams, hopes, fears, and frustrations. She accepts my advice as well as my general complaints about the world. We need each other, and we mutually help each other. I am very grateful for our relationship. Today, as we shared a bagel at Panera, I realized how much I'll miss her next year, and I was strengthened in my resolve to keep in touch with her.

Second, another friend I've known for years. We were close earlier this year and before that. She got a boyfriend, and you know how it goes. We drifted. Significantly. I don't blame him. I understand it's the way of things. Recently, it's as though our relationship is barely holding together. Tonight, I realized it won't last past graduation. She hurt me in a very careless way. And while I can understand and rationalize all I want, the fact remains: I am no longer important in her life, nor she in mine.

Third, someone I've known for some time. I fell for him over a year ago. He broke my heart, found out about it, and has been distant ever since. In all honesty, it's fine. I realized today that I have nothing to feel for him. Not love, not bitterness, but not really friendship either.

Three relationships: one thriving, one dying, one dead. It seems all my relationships are in one state or another. Few are thriving; many of them are dying. And I'm floundering, trying to figure out what to do about it. Should I even do anything about it? Should I recusitate the dying? Mourn the dead?

Seems to be the questions that are leaving me in this overwhelming state of unsettling confusion.

Pozzo: "I don't seem to be able... to depart."
Estragon: "Such is life."